Living With An Alcoholic
Living with an alcoholic – the embarrassment, dealing with it
In the previous article, Living with an alcoholic – Shame, shame, and talk about the secret that comes from living with an alcoholic and how it leads to isolation. In this article we will find a way to begin to address and reduce the shame.
It is important to note from the outset that there is no quick and easy answers. Changes in the way that we feel will take time. This is doubly true if it we are experiencing the same problems that caused these feelings in the first place. However, if you work at it then has shown that about 75% of people addressing the issue of starting to feel less depressed, more power and increased self-esteem, so it works and it's worth.
It is also important noted that these changes can be achieved despite their circumstances. Obviously it would be great if its alcohol decided to receive treatment, abstinence become and change its shape. However, this can not happen any time soon, or even at all. So you can not let your feelings depend on this expected change.
The first thing to do to change their feelings of shame is to step back from his daughter and behavior. You may know in his heart that his behavior is not their fault, they are not responsible. However, as mentioned in the previous article, here's where – but! – Comes into play your head tells you it's nothing to do with you, but however, his emotions still seem to be a volunteer for the responsibility. It is not easy, but I keep saying to yourself – I am not responsible, I'm not responsible!
The second thing to do is break the isolation that has been creating for himself. If you are invited somewhere, accept. Why not have fun and have a life? If the invitation is for both, and alcohol may be available are a couple of options. You can go alone and have a more relaxed time by not having to worry if you get drunk ridicule and ruin your night. Alternatively you can accept as a couple. But instead of his usual warning or request not to drink too much, you can try another approach. Tell your alcoholic can drink as much or as little as you please, is entirely to him. However, you will not make any excuses for it or take any responsibility for their behavior. You can then go to a party and trying to do exactly what you told This second strategy may take time to perfect. and you may need the help and support of friends to do so. We also need to be realistic here. It's OK to admit to their friends who are ashamed of it. That's just be honest about their feelings, but that's not the same as making excuses for him as if it were somehow his fault.
The third thing is to stop covering him. Do not tell people it feels good when drunk, I tell them to drink. (Please note that we do not say about their work situation. Be honest with your couple boss or coworkers can cause far-reaching consequences that should be carefully considered first.) Despite all his secret most of his friends probably know about drinking anyway. So let your friends on the situation. You may find it a relief for both of you can talk about it openly and can be very helpful and supportive.
These are just a couple of strategies you can use to reduce the embarrassment that comes from living with an alcoholic. The most important thing is to break the wall of secrecy and bring out the problem to light. It may even be a benefit to the drinker, have nowhere left to hide he may have to admit and solve your problem.
About the Author
John McMahon Has worked in the addiction field over 25 years as therapist, university lecturer and researcher and published widely Help for people living with an alcoholic
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