Drug Abuse Hotline
Women Abuse Men – The other side of domestic abuse
Let's start talking about domestic abuse – how considered and treated in our culture. As a psychology intern taught me that we must report child abuse, Elder Abuse, a threat credible person physically harming another, or a credible threat of an individual to physical harm to himself. So do not protect children, the elderly and people who are about to be damaged. However, unless the child was present during the time it was happening, we are not allowed to report abuse home – only the parties involved can do so. What this means to me as a doctor is that I can defend an adult who is (possibly) about to be physically harmed, but I can not defend an adult, which was actually physically harmed. The logic here is that that person should be able to get standing by itself. But many times it is simply not the case, and the reason is not the case is that the individual may fear retaliation, may be trying to protect your partner or children, or may be so entangled that psychologically not have the means to fend for themselves. In the case of battered men, there is an additional factor of shame and no one else will believe that their situation seriously.
Domestic abuse is treated as a personal family matter. While "the Women's Movement to publicize it as a matter of women's oppression. You can be both, but is also much more. Just as the abuse and Elder Abuse no longer considered only personal family matters, but also the social and legal issues, so must the abuse of an adult by another. It's time reviewed the laws regarding domestic abuse.
Now with the specific issue at hand. When we think of domestic violence in general think of men abuse women or couples men abuse their male partners and to a much lesser extent, women abuse their partners in a lesbian relationship. But when it comes to women abuse men, most people would say that really do not think that can happen because men are physically stronger and therefore better able to defend themselves. However, women beat their male partners and in much larger numbers than anyone had imagined.
In 2008, California led the nation in public awareness of this previously hidden issue of domestic violence. And later, in October of that year, "the courts California ruled that battered men deserve equal protection under the law. "(Mensnewsdaily.com/2008/10/17/domestic-violence-awarenes-month).
The California court ruling was based, in part, on empirical research undertaken by hundreds of social scientists. "This Research has shown that both men and women initiate domestic violence at about equal rates with some recent studies suggest that rates initiation of girls and women may be increasing. In addition approximately 40% of physically abused victims of domestic violence are men. "(MND.com) While we have a federal Violence Against Women Act (VAWA), may be time to replace it by a law of "Domestic Violence" that does not discriminate between sexes.
One wonders, how is this possible? It has taken years of advocacy and support to encourage women to report domestic violence. But almost nothing has been done to encourage men to do the same. Because there is a general presumption that women are victims and men are the perpetrators – that is shameful, almost unthinkable for many men to even consider reporting. It makes them look weak, ineffective, almost laughable in the eyes of others. And I think that almost nothing will be done even if they do report. They are right. While it is true that the actual physical damage inflicted by women on men is usually not as severe as the reverse situation, the emotional, psychological damage can be even higher. "Mental and emotional abuse can be an area where women are often more" brutal "than men." (DV against men). And when children are involved, is as shocking as the abuse negative against women.
Why abused women? For many of the same reasons men abuse alcohol – and / or drug abuse, psychological disorders, and unrealistic expectations and assumptions. These women make excessive demands on their partners and attribute most of their depression, and frustration. They blame their partner instead of admitting their own insecurities, emotional problems, childhood trauma and current substance abuse. They want their partner to feel whole and not take responsibility for their own lives. Making your partner a punching bag of his own insecurities and demons is gender blind. What violence erupts it may be different between the sexes. With men, often say, "She made me do it." With women's all, "he does not care, he is insensitive – I wonder if you have any feeling at all. It is the only way to get your attention. "
Why do men stay in abusive relationships? Also for many the same reasons that women stay. They believe it is their fault or that they deserve the treatment. They are mentally, emotionally or financially dependent on the female partner abusive. Many men are afraid to leave their children alone with someone so unstable. Also afraid that will not be allowed to see their children or be converted to children against him.
No wonder that support for male victims of domestic violence – and present – is not as prevalent as it is for women. There are virtually no shelters, programs or advocacy groups of men. For now, most abused men have to rely on advisory services private.
If you are a man abused and need help, call the National Domestic Abuse Hotline at 1 (800) 799-SAFE. Let them know you are out there.
Roni Weisberg-Ross LMFT
2010
About the Author
West Los Angeles based psychotherapist specializing in the treatment of sexual abuse, emotional abuse, chronic depression and social anxiety. Roni sees individuals, couples, families and leads a weekly AMAC (Adults Abused as Children) support group at The Family Resource Counseling Center.
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